it’s tuesday morning and i can barely move my right arm. before you feel too sorry for me let me explain why. i spent the last four days snowboarding in utah. i bet you don’t feel so bad for me anymore. it’s true, my wounds are self-inflicted, but so worthwhile. christina and i hopped on a plane with our good friends chris and natalie and headed out to salt lake city: a nice city known for a great view, the olympics, and polygamy. just kidding. no offense to any mormons reading this page. actually, are mormons allowed to use the internet. just kidding again.
the day before we arrived they got about ten inches of snow, which made for great boarding on friday and saturday. but sunday was the day when god himself visited the top of the mountain. throughout the day we got about a foot and a half of snow which made for the best boarding i’ve ever experienced.
the boarding was fantastic, but my favorite part of the long weekend away was watching christina overcome fear. don’t get me wrong, i had as much fear as she did about falling, hurting myself, catching an edge, the chairlift breaking, etc. it wasn’t about how much fear we each had, but rather, how willing we each were to try to overcome it. we had some fantastic conversations about why and what we fear, how to acknowledge fear but still try new things, distinguishing which fears are legitimate, and ultimately how to overcome fear for the sake of experiencing life to its fullest. needless to say, we didn’t answer all of these complex thoughts, but we had a great time talking about it and gained some important insights into each of our personalities.
it has caused me to wonder; how many opportunities and experiences am i missing out on because of fear? i’m quickly realizing that the first step is to separate recklessness from fears worth overcoming. i’m certainly not advocating reckless endangerment. i also think that recklessness isn’t limited to physical harm. some people walk through life consistently being emotionally reckless, which causes great harm to themselves and others. but once i’ve become aware of avoiding recklessness, i again come back to the question of what i might be missing out on. what relationship have i limited because i’m afraid to tell someone how much his or her friendship really means to me? what experiences have i missed out on because i feared failure and preferred the comfort of what is already known? i could list about fifty more questions, but don’t want to take up the space.
i don’t have a great answer for how to balance experiencing life with the reality of fear. unfortunately, even in the beautiful mountains of utah the answer didn’t come to us. i’m sure someone’s written a book that gives the “answer”, or a formula to apply. or maybe i’ll just keep asking myself the question and that will be enough to help me get the balance right.
by the way… if you’re ever in salt lake, there’s an amazing little pizza place just east of the city called “the pie pizzeria”. i highly recommend it.
apparently through all this stuff with laurie, everyone has realized that everyone else has an online journal. anyway, i have one too and found yours through some skilled internet work. lets keep in touch.
-faleni
Posted by: Lauren | March 23, 2005 at 11:52 PM
hey jon. sounds like you had a great trip, and some great questions as well. to be honest, that was what my trip out to cali this past summer was all about. i'd always wanted to drive across the country, by myself, and everyone had always said, "by yourself? all alone? but you're female..." and so i did it. there were a plethora of other things i did that i was a bit fearful of, and it was amazing how doing those things makes you feel like you can conquer any fear. however, i never did surf... wasn't quite able to get over that fear. but it's such an interesting concept - fear. why exactly do we fear? and what causes that fear? anyway, i'll stop rambling. i enjoyed your sharings... i'm glad you are keeping up with blogging now. it's cool knowing what's going on in yours and reese's lives... good seeing you guys a couple weeks ago as well.
Posted by: Tory | March 25, 2005 at 02:32 PM
hey jon. sounds like you had a great trip, and some great questions as well. to be honest, that was what my trip out to cali this past summer was all about. i'd always wanted to drive across the country, by myself, and everyone had always said, "by yourself? all alone? but you're female..." and so i did it. there were a plethora of other things i did that i was a bit fearful of, and it was amazing how doing those things makes you feel like you can conquer any fear. however, i never did surf... wasn't quite able to get over that fear. but it's such an interesting concept - fear. why exactly do we fear? and what causes that fear? anyway, i'll stop rambling. i enjoyed your sharings... i'm glad you are keeping up with blogging now. it's cool knowing what's going on in yours and reese's lives... good seeing you guys a couple weeks ago as well.
Posted by: Tory | March 25, 2005 at 02:34 PM
Hey Jon,
You don't know me ;) I went to Student Impact in high school (4ish years ago) while you were helping to lead worship, and I remember the first time you sang "But If Not" and the circumstances you explained as being the reason you wrote it. I guess I just wanted to thank you... for being so honest, for putting that piece of your heart on paper and to music to share with us all. I've kind of made it my anthem. My husband recently stated that he no longer loves me and wants a divorce... and I'm finding immense comfort in the song. I found a link to a video of you singing it somewhere online and I have been listening to it over and over and over, soo grateful to have something that expresses what I'm feeling & thinking so beautifully. It's sorta my own prayer right now, and I'm so glad that you put it out there so that it could minister to me so directly right now. At the time you played it I never could have imagined myself in this position or my life ever heading in the direction that is has, only to be changed so swiftly by the words, "I don't love you" .. but listening to But If Not has been the best comfort right now that I could ever imagine. I don't know what to do now or how to get through this but I know I'll still sing His praise forever too, even though life has brought me this. So... thanks, Jon. I can't imagine how tough it was to stand up on that stage and share what was going on in your life, the hurt...I admire that so much. I wanted you to know how Christ has used that, for me.
Out of curiosity, are you still involved in Willow? I haven't seen you. I hope wherever you are that God will continue to use you and your gifts for His glory.
God bless,
Melissa
Posted by: Melissa | May 08, 2005 at 07:42 PM